You may be suffering from depersonalization if you are experiencing some or all of the following symptoms: the feeling of being detached from yourself; the feeling that your reflection in the mirror does not seem to be you; noticing your voice sounds strange and separate from your body; having obsessive thoughts; feeling like you are going to lose your mind and do something irrational; feeling as though you are living in a bad dreamlike state; thinking that the world seems unreal; seeing people near to you as strange; and feeling as if you are the only person in the world who is experiencing these symptoms.
Many people have transient periods of depersonalization usually brought on by a stressful event or sometimes brought on with no traumatic event. These fleeting feelings are normal. However, for many others depersonalization is an ongoing chronic and pathological part of their everyday daily lives. Once it begins to affect a person chronically, it spirals into periods of overwhelming anxiety and intense feelings of detachment from reality. This intensity usually changes like the fog that rolls in and off the ocean.
I have struggled with depersonalization for most of my life. For over thirty years I thought I was the only one who suffered with these feelings of being unreal and feelings of being detached from things in everyday life. Like many people, I suffered in silence. I had no way to put into words how I felt without sounding insane. I spent a lot of time in psychiatrist offices and finally by accident diagnosed myself thirty-six years after my symptoms began.
I discovered the name for this debilitating disorder when I watched the movie Numb. The movie’s main premise revolves around a character, Hudson, who has a sudden onset of anxiety after smoking marijuana. When his feelings of being unreal and dethatched from life do not wane, he searches from doctor to doctor to find a cure for the acute depersonalization disorder that has taken over his life. I was shocked to notice his symptoms were amazingly similar to my symptoms, yet my feelings did not evolve from smoking weed. After I finished watching the movie, I went online and searched for everything I could find on depersonalization.
I found quite a bit of information about the disorder on websites and found online forums where many people shared openly about their experiences. I also ordered a few books from Amazon.com about depersonalization and dissociative disorders. I knew--without a doubt--I had depersonalization. I was relieved to know I was not alone, and there were others who related with my feelings of anxiety and frustration.
